How to build lasting connections through effective communication

“To effectively communicate, we must realize that we are all different in the way we perceive the world and use this understanding as a guide to our communication with others.” – Tony Robbins

Primarily, we need to have a full understanding of what effective communication is and why it is important. Human beings are social creatures that need a sense and a feeling of belonging in order to live meaningful and happy lives. 

Effective communication is a fundamental requirement for building strong and long-lasting connections and/or relationship with others.

According to professor Dalton Kehoe “Effective communication means three things: First, we got what we wanted – a moment of positive emotional connection or a tangible result. Second, you have been understood from your point of view (and that was communicated back to us). And third, the other party seems fine with the exchange – there were no indications of uncertainty, frustration, fear, or anger.”

When two parties (messenger and the receiver) are happy with the exchange, the connection is established. The essence of communication is to understand first, then to be understood. Building and maintain a deep, positive and successful connection with another unique person through the vicissitudes of life requires real work using effective communication skills.

In the business world, what separates the wheat from the chaff is a business model. All business have a plan but the majority of them fail because they do not have a model in place to facilitate its success. Similarly, what makes communication effective and successful in not just the intention to communicate but a model that makes the communication work.

The model of effective communication consists of two crucial components: Mindfulness and Appreciative mindset. 

1.    Mindfulness.

Mindfulness is nothing more than listening attentively and actively to the speaker and being present with your body, soul and spirit. In other words, it means staying focused on the present and open to new information.

Listening attentively means looking directly at the eyes of the speaker with an open attitude to learn. To make deeper connections, make sure you smile, nod and proclaim “uh huh” or “right” when you agree with a point the speaker is trying to make.

On the other hand, active listening means you are asking questions for clarity and without any judgement but with a realization that we are all different and uniquely so. Remember, the essence of communication is to understand first, then to be understood.

To ensure the speaker that you fully understood his/her point of view, repeat what he/she has just said in your own words back to them. This technique is called paraphrasing and is an essential part of mindful and successful communication. “Communication is your ticket to success, if you pay attention and learn to do it effectively.” – Theo Gold

     2.  Appreciative mindset

Appreciative mindset is about showing sincere gratitude for new insight and wisdom you have just gained from the speaker. 

Dalton Kehoe remarks “The value represented in the appreciative mindset is found in three essential meaning of the word: To have a full understanding, to value and honour the other, and to add value.”

It is true that everyone we meet has something to teach us but our judgmental human nature or ignorance rather, make us miss so many of these learning opportunities. 

An appreciative and growth mindset will help you realize there is something to learn from either a child or a homeless person. 

In a safe environment, take it upon yourself to have a full understanding of what is being communicated to you even if the messenger looks like a scarecrow. You can never add value or honour the other person if you do not humble yourself and try to understand where they are coming from.

The good news is, you not only learn but also build connections whenever you focus all your attention to the person speaking to you. Remember to thank them for sharing their wisdom or informative stories with you.

 You can add value to the speaker by pointing out one or two things you appreciate about them. It could be a clothing item or body feature you admire in them. That is a fancy looking suit, looks like it was imported from Italy. And you look great in it! Everybody loves compliments.

You can test this model in your daily life through practice if you are serious about improving your interpersonal communication skills, social skills and even your professional skills.

The overarching goal of effective communication is to find and strengthen your voice and use it to build connections and achieve success in your personal, professional and civic lives.

Visualize or imagine yourself being someone who does not procrastinate but takes action instead whenever an opportunity to communicate effectively presents itself. Remember, the greatest nation in the world is imagination, and the worst nation in the world is procrastination. 

I don’t care if you are either an introvert or extrovert - or anything in between, dispel all your limiting beliefs and go out there to build connections with others. When you are in a social space, forget about yourself and your antisocial tendencies because “Self-consciousness kills communication.” ― Rick Steves.

Go out there to be a friend, not to make friends. Greet others with a warm, welcoming smile and a firm handshake. As you do, look at them in the eye and tell them your name.

Don’t strive to be interesting, be interested in others instead. 

Don’t strive to be liked, like others instead. Listen more than you talk, and when you talk, ask more questions. Call people by their names and make sure you pronounce them right.

Dress code? Absolutely key. The goal is to perform well. As the saying goes “If you look good, you feel good, and if you feel good, you do good.” Apparently, we dress the way we want to be addressed or the way we want to be undressed. It’s your call.

I will conclude with the following two quotes.

 “To lead an effective life, we not only need to create and sustain positive relationships with friends and loved ones, but we also need to create them at work. And it turns out that the better we do that, the more productive, happy, and stress-free we are.” – Dalton Kehoe

“Families who have strong and healthy communication skills can weather significant challenges and remain intact. Those with limited effective communication skills are vulnerable to the challenges of life pulling them apart.” – Ellen Miley Perry