To open their minds, address their hearts first

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                                                     image: DHgate.com

“Communication - the human connection - is the key to personal and career success.” -  Paul J. Meyer

Do you ever ask yourself, what is my dominant style of communicating? Is it working out for you or not? Most importantly, how is the quality of your relationship with your partner or spouse, your family, friends or coworkers?

Well, whether it is bad or good, it all boils down to one thing. Your dominant style of communication. The one thing that most people don't realize is that bad communication skills do not only lead to unnecessary conflicts, frustration, anger or resentment, but most subtly, to death!

Some time ago, there were two youngsters, a boy and a girl. Their families hated each other. One-day the girl’s family hosted a party but the boy snuck into it because, you know, he was kind of a rebel. It happens that the girl sees this boy in this party, and the angels started to sing so sweetly to her heart that she instantly fell in love with him. The next day, the boy snuck again into her garden and they decide to get married, without telling their parents because obviously, they would not approve.

A few days later, their families found out of course, about their secret marriage and immediately went to war over it. The girl's cousin died in that chaos. After hearing the news about her cousin, the girl gets so upset that she drank a potion that puts her to sleep for two days. 

Unfortunately, the young couple has not learned the ins and outs of good marital communication yet, and the young girl totally forgot to mention something about the potion to her new husband. The young man, therefore, mistakes his new wife self-induced coma for suicide. He totally loses his marbles and he sadly commits suicide, thinking he is going to be with her in the afterlife. She then wakes up after two days, only to learn her new husband has committed suicide, so she has exactly the same idea and kills herself too. The End!

The story of Romeo and Juliet is synonymous with romance in our culture today. It is seen as a love story in English-speaking societies, an emotional ideal to live up to. Yet when you really get down to what happens in the story, you find out these kids do not only have bad communication skills but they are completely out of their minds, and they even kill themselves to prove it. 

Remember the first rule of effective communication. It goes, "The success of communication is the responsibility of the communicator". Generally, there are five basic communication styles that will help you learn to react effectively when confronted by a difficult person, or even when you are blinded by love just like Romeo and Juliet. 

1. The aggressive communication style, 2. Passive-aggressive, 3. Submissive, 4. Manipulative and 5. The assertive style of communication. Being assertive is usually the most effective style, but other styles are, of course, necessary in certain situations - such as being submissive when under physical threat (a mugging or hijacking for instance) 

Therefore, if you are serious about strengthening your relationships, reduce stress from conflicts and unnecessary anxiety in life, practice being more assertive. Assertive communicators are perceived to be emotionally intelligent.  Emotional Intelligence is the ability to recognize, interpret and understand our moods, emotions, drives and how they all affect each other.
People who can read their emotions and recognize their impact are most likely to be good at reading other's emotional states. In other words, they are matured and have high levels of self-awareness. 

Most importantly, people who can keep their feelings and disruptive emotions under control, particularly in difficult situations - are seen as more trustworthy, honest, and of high integrity. They are regarded as great managers and effective leaders because they are emotionally flexible in adapting to new situations, including seeing the upside of events. 

Therefore, being assertive will help you diffuse anger, reduce guilt, build better relationships both personally and professionally, and of course, save you from committing suicide

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